The Initial Problem
Over the past week, roughly 4500 properties in my home town of Wallasey have been left with little, or no water as a result of some problem with our local water works. To add to the inconvenience, it's been uncharacteristically hot here, causing many local people to instinctively strip down to their knickers and walk around like my street is their living room. Imagine, if you will, just how irritating this would all be (That is, if you haven't experienced it already).
Allow me to help you out if you are imaginarily impaired, or just unable to conceive such a terrifying scenario yourself.
A Day Like Any Other
You reluctantly wake up in the morning, regrettably about to face yet ANOTHER day of "stuff" which you can't be bothered with, and just when you think that it couldn't possibly get any worse now that the better side of your conscience has bullied you in to getting out of 'that' position in bed (Yes THAT one, the one which is perfect in every way and can only be found precisely one minute before your alarm is due to go off) ...
...The magic little water conjuring elf who lives in your tap has taken it upon himself to just up and bugger off on you. Due to his sudden and unexplained disappearance, you are now faced with your first dilemma of the day.
Dilemma #1
You can not wash yourself and get ready for your day of impending "stuff".
...At least not properly, anyway.
A Jackpot For Idiots
Now, for some people, this is great news. This is an opportunity. Day off.
"What better excuse is there to pull a sickie?" they reflect on their unbelievable luck in a moment of 'just been thieved of my lovely, fart born bed warmth' madness.
Straight after this, is the part wherein they convince themselves that this must be a sign of some sort, obviously demanding that they stay off from whatever commitments they had previously agreed to fulfill that day.
Makes sense, right? Water doesn't just STOP. That's physically impossible. Right? RIGHT?!
This is then closely followed by the inevitable thoughts that they deserve a day off because they never take days off, never, EVER (Except for that one...oh, and that one entire week they took off last month, but that didn't count because they really were ill that time...).
"How can I be so lucky?" they wonder as they scramble back in to bed in an attempt to try and recapture that brief, past moment of absolute comfort, which was so horrifically pilfered from them not moments before.
The Ironic & Metaphorical Bucket Of Cold Water To The Face
As their mind slowly wakes up, their now much worse reality slowly begins to dawn on them. Other than the fact that their previous moment of 'genius' which suggested that them having no running water is an excellent excuse to stay off is now clearly complete horse crap...
Dilemma #2
No running water means no convenient drinks and it's BOILING compared to my body's usual temperature.
That's right, clearly the sun is filling in for your tap's resident water nymph today as it has suddenly become very, very hot. A bit like an oven, but shit at making pizzas.
"But there are still drinks in the fridge though, right? I can just drink them until it comes back on."
I suppose, but unless you live alone, there's also a number of other people here who also need a wash and a drink. So there's you and your family and or room mates, thirsty and smelly, in an incredibly hot building, all collectively dreaming of going in to wherever it is you should have gone to earlier, as it has beautiful, cold, thirst quenching, running water.
The Realisation Of An Oh So Pleasant Truth
Mentioning the group situation leads me quite nicely on to the next dilemma...
Dilemma #3
You can't flush the toilet.
Did you ever hear about the old school prank wherein badly behaved yet clever ass kids placed a smelly fish on a hot radiator, and it consequentially stank out the room?
Well for those of you who haven't, put simply, heat tends to make smelly things more noticeable, and in a building of smelly people and unflushable loos, this ISN'T GOOD.
It's anyone's guess how long you all have before a particularly badly scented colon cannon ball is left to fester and slowly gas you all to death.
Suddenly, to those slackers I mentioned earlier, work is beginning to sound like heaven, only now they're late, and on top of that, they would have to go in all smelly and everyone would hate them because of how badly they smelled because they were smelly and smelled bad.
...And we all know how important social acceptance and the opinions of other people we don't really care about are don't we? Hm? Don't we?
Yes. We shamefully do - It's more important than everything in the world. ...To SOME people.
The Great Outdoors?
Anyway, the point I'm VERY SLOWLY moving towards, is the fact that outside seems really, really great now. I mean hey, the weather's great and your house is full of smelly people and poop.
Outside ROCKS right now.
It doesn't bother you that there a lot of other smelly people scantily clad wobbling around everywhere, you're a pretty easy going dude who isn't that fresh them self, and besides, you're outside. The smell can at least float away from your general vicinity.
You just have to get ready and then you can... Oh, wait, yeah - No water to wash and stuff. Now, If you're the sort of short tempered person I really hope that you're not, this can lead to dilemma #4, probably one of the worst, as it just makes everyone's day even crappier.
Dilemma #4
This lack of water is incredibly annoying and yet there is no one to blame!
...Yeah. Rightfully fueled with anger brought on by the frustration of not being able to attain basic hygiene standards (and thus being a smelly git), there is no one to take it all out on.
The important thing to remember, especially if you're someone who is easily annoyed and you have a tendency to fly off the handle over such small matters, is the fact that this is NO ONE'S FAULT.
Nobody planned for this to happen, everyone likes being able to flush away last nights take out when they're done expelling it, and everyone likes being able to clean themselves so that they don't smell like a dead mammal who has been left to rot in the sun.
These things just happen.
This is why this particular dilemma (If it even happens) is the worst. It leads angry parties to take out their frustrations on their unfortunate friends, family, and even the poor guys who are working around the clock to solve your vanishing water elf problem. I mean, it's fair enough, right? All of these people quite clearly have it in for the angry person for no reason and purposely went out last night and forced the underground water pipes to mess up, especially as they don't need water like the angry guy does.
He is the main character, after all, as well as being the only person truly affected by this whole ordeal.
Overly angry people seriously suck, it must be said.
Our Deep Final Thought
In conclusion, if this ever happens to you, as long as you don't see it all as the end of the world, it'll be over before you know it and you may as well make the most of it and go and visit someone or some where out of the affected area. It makes me think though, about how as a species, us humans now take a lot of things for granted.
...It is at this juncture I would like to point out that in spite of my living in the very center of the affected area, my house has been fine, with all of our water elves reporting for duty as per usual every day. I even enjoyed an overly long shower before throwing back a number of pints of water and considering washing my car with a hose, right after getting it cleaned professionally.
...What?
..........What?
-Seph
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